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It Disturbs You When I Screamed RAPE

Warning! This content may be explicit.

Sex without consent, things they took it lightly, the fact that you prefer to shut your ears and eyes because it’s disgusting and you don’t want to be in any version of that society, blinding with a thick cloth separating you and them- the victim, because you felt that your version sounds better. Sex without consent is more appropriate to address than saying rape, but we’re not here to appropriate the situation, your friend, your lover, your mother, your sister, someone you know, they were raped. It was harsh and it was forceful. So, I’m not here to appropriate the situation, your friend, your lover, your mother, your sister, someone you know, they were definitely raped, and the worst part is you knew. So I wrote this piece to let you experience how does it feels like to be her.

 

And you, you raped my thoughts over and over again,

it’s like a seamless time that I can’t contained.
I should get a recognition for participating in my life.
It’s not only those burnt touch all over my limb that screwed up my mind, I am fucked.
I am beyond fucked.

And in that silence, my silence speaks. It speaks so loud that my tongue was tied in his mouth, in his filthy mouth.

Where was everybody when I needed them to save me?
The excruciating pain in my stomach hurled, I could still feel how I left my body, I was in light trance, and in that moment when he was thrusting in me again and over again, I did not lose my virginity, I lose myself, I was covered in my own shame blood.

Raped. I never said yes, therefore I was raped. You raped me. YOU. RAPED. ME. My body, my thoughts, my life.
You raped my life.

And as much as they tried to tell me I was okay, it wasn’t enough, it was too late. You can’t undone what’s done.

Why didn’t you say this to me when I was alive, I was raped.
Why does it disturb you when I screamed rape?

 

You were blinded by the lights you didn’t want to know the truth.

It disturbed you when I screamed rape, because you know you did it too…

 

Written by Fayra Farinna

I am a woman of colour. I have tan skin and I love it! I am a woman in hijab, and underneath this scarf there is a girl who perceives the world differently. I am a woman of the orient, where Asians are not just Chinese. We are more than that, we are diverse. I am tanned Muslim-Asian.

Poetic, music enthusiast, loves travelling, slaying my two and a half years left to become the next civil engineer and if I'm in luck, a writer.

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