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My Truth

A poem from my journal on sharing my reality

Credit: Pexels

Sometimes it feels nearly impossible to be true to who I am. I wrote this as a testament to all the pain I’ve ever felt. A testament to who I am deep down. My roots can never be outrun, no matter how hard I try to outrun them. And sometimes, that is exactly what you need to heal. Sometimes, you need to acknowledge it. You need to share your truth to feel free.

Since I was five,

I was subjected to a truth about myself

I never asked for

Since I was five,

I asked myself a single question

formed by one simple word.

Why?

 

Although an act of selfishness,

all I remember from my childhood

is the pain, bullies, the hurt

and all the sleepless nights

wishing to understand

what it was about me

that allowed her to make the life altering decision

that I just wasn’t worth it.

 

It is a state of mind

Not many can fully comprehend.

The art of needing someone

Anyone

Everyone

To save you from yourself.

 

Except that it’s a constant battle

Between being grateful

And full of bitter rage that consumes me.

It’s a fine line between

Lashing out and hiding away.

 

I can tell you in great depth

how sometimes it hurts so bad

That I can’t seem to breathe.

And I can tell you that the scars run through

both my heart and my skin

 

But despite my pain and anger,

I am adopted;

it’s what I am.

What do you think?

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Written by Esther Cho

Your average fifteen year old girl in her junior year of high school with high hopes and a tendency to overshare who is absolutely terrified of being average. A chocolate chip cookie enthusiast who also happens to fairly enjoy Polaroids, filming + editing, along with writing about things that matter to her. Her dream is to create something, anything, that will spark a positive difference in someone’s life but she has yet to do so. Follow the journey. YouTube: Esther Cho – Instagram: estherchox – Twitter: estheerchho

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