Bisexual Artist Steve Lacy Declares That He Would Never Date Black Men — Why This Is Toxic

Racial dating preferences are a no-no.

If you didn’t know who Steve Lacy was (like I did), you probably do now. Recently on the Twittersphere screenshots of one of his Tumblr posts surfaced. The post contained the answer to an anonymous question: “…don’t you think you owe it to yourself to break down the dynamics that lead you to have a blatantly anti-black preference in partners ?”

Screenshot from Steve Lacy’s Tumblr

Let that simmer for a moment.

Steve Lacy then goes on to explain how his preferences aren’t anti-black at all because he’s been surrounded and has grown up with black males. They’ve always been his “competitors” and he “sees them as brothers.” What I’m getting that is he doesn’t feel attraction to black guys solely because he’s been around them his whole life. That doesn’t sound right to me, it makes no logical sense. “I’m a n**** from crompton, I don’t dislike black people…I’m just not attracted to black boys. that is it. [sic]”

Lacy feels as it’s almost incestuous for him to want to date black men. How is that not anti-black? How is not being attracted to a whole race of people justified? It isn’t, and shouldn’t be. Lacy has no actual reasoning for his preferences, and just dug himself into a bigger hole.

By him saying they will not date a certain race, he’s treating a whole group of people as the few he’s grown up with, which is making a generalization. Lacy’s comparing every black boy on earth to the people he grew up with, which is inaccurate, but just wrong. That’s equivalent to me meeting one POC who says they hate black people and thinking “Everyone of that particular community is racist.” Not okay.

On top of that, Lacy’s reinforcing the racial hierarchy by putting every other race on a pedestal and lowering black men. Almost as if he’s too good to date black men, that they’re below him. Instead of judging people based on themselves as an individual, he’s putting all black people under an umbrella and completely cutting them out of the picture. If you haven’t met someone, how are they going to be your “competitor” and how will you “see them as brothers?” You can’t because you haven’t met them yet.

Sadly, Lacy isn’t the only person in the world to have racial preferences. Many people do, and for some reason, they think it’s completely valid. When most people think of someone as attractive, it’s usually a non-black person, a white person. In most of the media we consume, we only see white people, society has conditioned us to think that only white is beautiful and everyone is else is “meh.” Diversity is just starting to peep through with beauty ads, showing more Asian, Hispanic, and Black men and women. Movies and TV shows are slowly starting to have more diverse casts.

As a society, we’ve been conditioned to see only white people as beautiful because this has what’s been fed to us by the media. But, people are able to take off their tunnel vision glasses and see the big picture. Steve Lacy is able to change his toxic, anti-black racial preferences in dating and so can anyone else. All people need to do is stand up and realize, that they’re wrong, their preferences are wrong, and then they can move on and deal with their deep-rooted prejudice against people of a certain race.


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  1. I want to talk about why this subject shouldn’t be publicized on an open source for people of multiple ethnicity and races. I think this is an intraracial/intracommunity problem for black queer spaces only.

    I think what Steve Lacey is unknowingly experiencing is internalized, racialized homophobia due to widespread homophobia growing up. How many queer black men had crushes on their male friends but had to repress it due to fear of violence and rejection? Too many.

    I think Lacy is a case of continuing his repressed romantic/sexual feelings toward black men (due to fear of rejection and violence). This same thing happened to me, but I grew out of it. I’ve heard stories of this happening to others, and they grew out of it. Heck, I think some allocishet black people experience this too, but I’m not talking about allocishet black people because they have an entirely different experience with attraction than us; the way they (non-queers) can interact with each other inside the black community is completely different than the way we (queers) can interact with each other inside the black community.
    And the thing is that you don’t always have to be aware that you repressed feelings. You might just repress your feelings without knowing because of compulsivity.
    WHEN you grow out of this continued repression is a personal journey. It’s icky and you’re not excused for the bigotry you spout/perform, but it happens, because of the system and its societal rules we’re forced to live under.

    I really don’t like Lacy’s response, and I think pulling the “incest” card is just gross, but I hope he grows out of that (mindset*) eventually. I hope he finds peace with himself.

    *By mindset, I mean seeing black men as undesirable romantic and/or sexual partners.

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Written by Daryl Perry

Daryl is a 17-year-old feminist and photography enthusiast who dreams of becoming a film director. In her spare time she sings, dances, and of course writes!