The concept of black and white, when talking about emotions, is something I’ve been struggling with lately. I often find that I’m feeling happy and sad, or angry and dissociated, or any other combination of emotions all at once. It’s very overwhelming, especially because no one really talks about how that’s possible.
Some days, it’s good.
I leave my house and interact.
I do all the things I planned to do.
Some days, it’s bad.
I sleep. All I do it sleep.
Some days, they mix.
I stand. (My shoulders hunch over).
I eat. (The food is bad for me).
I leave my house and interact. (My responses are dry and all I can think about is going home).
Some days, they mash together.
I walk outside.
And once I get there my feet carry me back to bed.
And wear the same sweatshirt I’ve worn for the past two days.
I feed my dogs.
I don’t feed myself.
Some days, I write.
I let my emotions turn into art.
Some days, I don’t.
Some days, I indulge in reckless behavior because at least it’s making me feel something.
Some days, I live.
Others, I try.