Depression and anxiety affected me as young as nine-years-old. It’s an issue that remains important to me and continues to be a huge part of my life. This poem is my nostalgic take on my childhood feelings. In dedication of World Mental Health Day, I have decided to put my writing to good use and share my journey of struggling with mental health.
Dear my beautiful past self.
Baby girl, I spent many days recalling the experiences.
The experiences when you lied wide awake at night, staring at the stained white ceiling envisioning an improved version of yourself.
The experiences when you gazed at the crowd you so badly wanted to be included in.
The experiences when you ran home and ended up crying on your mama’s lap.
Little girl, you are the embodiment of broken.
Minuscule shards of glass attach to your blood-ridden feet as you continued to pass through.
To the little girl who finally gave up.
I still remember the the overwhelming feeling you used to get nearby cliques.
Until now, I reminisce on the mask you managed to put on, the charade you set up every damn day.
To the little girl who was feeling extreme despair.
You cared ridiculously about the opinions of humans you dreamed of being with; the idea of having a support system led you to begetting the idea of euphoria.
Family bonds are broken, dad forgets about you.
The perception of the idealized beauty standards continues to straw away from you.
Scrutiny upholds each day.
Identity regains no recognition in solving.
And the demons haunt your soul while the bullies haunt your mind.
Dear the little girl who struggled.
You sit here with your pony-tail high and eye-liner stained eyes typing this.
You sit here while still struggling — you’re now recovering.
My beautiful little girl, the ghosts from the past will forever walk behind you….
There’s gonna be days where you’ll start to question life itself, days where you hurt, days when you’ll feel hatred towards yourself and days when you perceive the icy sentiment of loneliness.
Just know that you have the trait of perseverance.
To the little girl who’s reading this.
I will always love you… even when it feels like nobody really does.
Sincerely, your happy future self.