March is most definitely the month of madness, especially for high school seniors like myself. I am a California girl and I applied to two of some of the top universities of the state. Like many, I was aware of the possibility of being denied admission and the anxiety of awaiting for a decision kept clawing at me throughout the beginnings of the month. I am sure many could relate to the decision waiting process. I certainly tried to distract myself about college decisions but some way or another they haunted me. Heck, I had a nightmare for the first time in five years (indeed I keep track of that). I only applied to four universities that I found well suited for the major I wanted, University of California (U.C.) Santa Barbara, Los Angeles, Irvine and Berkeley.
As the days approached to the release of admission decisions, some of my classmates began to receive phone calls from UC San Diego or UC Santa Barbara and I mentally panicked because I had like many received nothing of that. I was in the middle of my government class and the students behind me celebrated about their acceptances. Talk about being an outcast. Never had I experienced stress for a literally yes or no question and I dislike it because I tried my hardest during my high school years and I shouldn’t have a reason to be insecure about my academics and extracurricular activities. It was not until March 17. That the U.C. Irvine accepted me and it was a great morning but that same day, U.C. Los Angeles at 5 P.M. stated it decisions and I checked my poral anxious like the rest of the 102,000 applicants to that university and to my dismay I was not offered admission.
Did I want to throw my laptop across the room? Yes, but I value my laptop immensely for that. I felt disappointed and ordinary. I just sat on my couch rereading the letter. “ We regret to inform you…” were the words that kept revolving in my head. I cannot change U.C.L.A’s decision and that same day, I wrote a poem. Call it cheesy but I had to spill it out and maybe it helps burning your rejection letter but it is mature to realize that sometimes it does no go our way, perhaps things happen for a reason. Either way, that decision should not discourage us to continue our career path. Accepting and moving forward is a sign of maturity, so do not feel bad. A close friend of mine, was in my same situation and when I asked her about how she felt about it, she said, “Getting a college rejection letter made me feel like I was not good enough. No, I wouldn’t ask for an appeal. They didn’t see my potential in the first place why bother asking.”
The letter indeed leaves a bitter feeling and although we ask ourselves if we are worthy, the real question is are we going to easily let a rejection discourage us? I hope the answer is a definite no.
Below is my poem for those who are curious.
Yesterday
Ayanna C.
March seventeenth was yesterday.
It was also leprechaun day
Or St.Patrick’s day if you will.
I woke up at six waiting still.
Checked my mail, expecting a fail
Unexpectedly at 3:31 AM UCI said,
STATUS UPDATE, at last anxiety is freed!
Meanwhile there is a frenzy in my head!
Soon I check my portal…
You have been admitted, little mortal.
Finally three more to go.
The day is a flow until lunch,
Unexpectedly there’s a lucky green glow
I open it as I munch.
Congratulations from Affinity Magazine, you’re a writer
This elevates my mood even higher.
UCI and and a magazine writer, this is beyond great!
Yet, this is a reality,
That sometimes forces one to hate,
Or simply flee.
UCLA decisions were at five.
I did not want to check,
I rather prepare to jump off deck
To look at deep sea and dive
Into the pool of disappointment ,
But of course fate had its appointment.
I logged into my portal and I saw it.
It stung and hurt a bit.
We regret to inform you…
What did I not do?
Was I not enough?
Were others more academically tough?
102,000 applicants and only 6,000 chosen
96,000 unique but not deemed worthy?
Nonetheless congratulations to those in.
They must have done something praiseworthy.
Unspecial I feel but it’s not all there is,
Sure it’s a disappointment but not an end.
I have much to do, we all do.
This opportunity is crossed out and flew,
Yet this should not stop me or let anger be.
In no language can we lessen your disappointment
In more than one language can I say,
En más de un idioma puedo decir,
Em mais de um idioma posso falar,
I will be the international journalist I dream to be
I will someday be the teacher
I will be someone
Yo seré alguien
Eu serei alguém
In more than one language.
So thank you for yesterday.
