My sibling and I get along pretty well, and we both have a fondness for scary movies. However, I tend to like psychological thrillers and horror-comedies, while they go for gory and jump-scare-filled movies. Because of these differences, we often compromise and watch movies that are mixes of all those things. But there aren’t that many movies like that, so we just end up watching terrible movies, and narrate them Mystery Science Theater 3000 style. These seven wonderfully cheesy — and straight up terrible — movies are some of my favorite movies, even if they are dreadful.
The Blob (1988)
This 1988 remake of a classic horror movie is pretty bad. The cast is a bunch of nobodies, the dialogue is cringe-worthy at best, and the special effects are laughable. It follows the adventures of two teenagers who attempt to save their town from a flesh-eating lump that came in from a meteor.*
If you like: bad acting, bad 80s hair, and unrealistic special effects
Available on Hulu, YouTube, Vudu, Amazon Video, Google Play
Jason X (2001)
Also known as Jason Goes to Space. I feel like the premise explains itself, but essentially, Jason’s body was frozen for many years and is thawed out by researchers. It’s a complete disaster of a movie. And if this one isn’t enough, you could pick pretty much any other Jason movie, because most of them are pretty bad.
If you like: gory violence, slasher films, and space
Available on: Amazon Video, YouTube, Vudu, iTunes
Hocus Pocus (1993)
I already know I’m going to get hate for putting this one on here, but I think we can all admit it’s not the best movie. The acting is not great, and let’s be real, it’s cheesy as hell. It has a poorly animated talking cat. But it’s heartwarming and nostalgic, and a story about family.
If you like: Bette Midler’s terrible wig, childhood memories, and annoying little sisters
Available on: iTunes, YouTube, Amazon Video, Google Play, Vudu, Xfinity On Demand
Saw III: The Final Chapter
The first two were ok, but it just all goes downhill from there. The deaths become more and more ridiculous, and the people just make flat out dumb decisions. I will give them credit, though, for never having a predictable ending. (And I guess it’s entertaining to see people die horrible deaths by the hand of a serial killer if that’s your thing.)
If you like: never-ending franchises, and terrifying puzzles
Available On: Some on Netflix, iTunes, YouTube, Amazon Video, Google Play, Vudu, Some on Xfinity
All of The Final Destination Movies
I absolutely love how insanely ridiculous these movies are. From a Nascar track to airplane explosions, to horrible gymnastics accidents, the writers have literally found every way to brutally kill someone. I don’t mind the violence too much because the special effects are often over the top. The build-up to the deaths is crazy, and sometimes the deaths themselves are hilarious.
If you like: blood and guts, giant explosions, and the imminence of death
Available on: iTunes, YouTube, Amazon Video, Google Play, Vudu, Some on Xfinity
Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959)
50s special effects. Aliens taking over the world. A vampire literally named Vampira. What more can I say?
If you like: obviously toy ufos and terribly designed sets
Available on: Netflix, iTunes, YouTube, Amazon Video, Google Play, Vudu
Blood Diner (1987)
I’m still trying to figure out what this movie is about. Two brothers want to resurrect an Egyptian queen, but they need to murder innocent women to do it? And they have their uncle’s brain in a jar guiding them? And they own a diner?
If you like: unnecessary nudity, murder diners, and weird uncles
Available on: iTunes, YouTube, Amazon Video, Google Play, Vudu
*Content Warning: There is a scene somewhat early on where a young teen begins to sexually assault his girlfriend. He is quickly interrupted but he gets far enough that I feel a warning is necessary.
