Sometimes it feels nearly impossible to be true to who I am. I wrote this as a testament to all the pain I’ve ever felt. A testament to who I am deep down. My roots can never be outrun, no matter how hard I try to outrun them. And sometimes, that is exactly what you need to heal. Sometimes, you need to acknowledge it. You need to share your truth to feel free.
Since I was five,
I was subjected to a truth about myself
I never asked for
Since I was five,
I asked myself a single question
formed by one simple word.
Why?
Although an act of selfishness,
all I remember from my childhood
is the pain, bullies, the hurt
and all the sleepless nights
wishing to understand
what it was about me
that allowed her to make the life altering decision
that I just wasn’t worth it.
It is a state of mind
Not many can fully comprehend.
The art of needing someone
Anyone
Everyone
To save you from yourself.
Except that it’s a constant battle
Between being grateful
And full of bitter rage that consumes me.
It’s a fine line between
Lashing out and hiding away.
I can tell you in great depth
how sometimes it hurts so bad
That I can’t seem to breathe.
And I can tell you that the scars run through
both my heart and my skin
But despite my pain and anger,
I am adopted;
it’s what I am.
