Dear Reader,
I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. And therefore you reading this now, this letter may not be for you but someone down the line whether it’s one week or three years from now may actually benefit from what I’m about to say.
Hi, I’m Moyo, I was born on January 11th, 2000, therefore, I have been on this earth for 17 years.
When I was in year two aged six, I had no real grasp of human life bearing in mind I had only been in education for three years and at that time that’s half my life, I really didn’t get how society worked.
And to make matters worse, my mum and dad had separated a few months prior meaning my mum, my brother, my sister and I had all moved.
I was starting in a school in an area where I didn’t know, so what do I do? I try to make as many friends as I can by being the most outgoing six-year-old I could.
This all worked for roughly three years until I hit year five and people were nine turning ten. Somehow, I had managed to get my way into the most popular group in my year but they were different. They were the perfect shape. Slim, medium height no blemishes and so on.
Me?
I was the awkward tall, fat black kid.
And people started to notice this. I was bullied for the next two years up until I finished primary aged eleven. I was called all types of names from fatty all the way to heffalump. If I remember correctly, one boy and his friend’s ongoing joke was that I joined weight watchers.
Being bullied has shaped the way I was two years ago.
At fifteen, I was not a comfortable person simply because I was scared that if I said anything out of line people would hate me again.
I hated conflict and I forgave too easily.
I let friends use me and then dump me again.
I hated (and still do) being the centre of attention.
I allowed myself to go home and cry about things which weren’t worth crying about.
I couldn’t even eat in front of people anymore because I felt that I’d be judged.
I felt like I was being constantly judged and scrutinised even though I wasn’t.
Back then I had been suffering from depression for six months and I desperately tried to keep it concealed because to me being depressed was something that I should not have been proud of and that I would have brought unwanted attention to me.
I tried so hard to be a happy person but I just couldn’t. It was almost as if there was something in my body which prevented me from doing so.
I’ve said this before but depression actually helped me in more ways than I can ever remember and that not to say that it’s a lovely positive thing as you and I both know, but it does mean that it has left me with many experiences that I will remember forever.
The main cause of my depression was being bullied and how that affected me even after I left that school.
If I’m being completely honest with you, no matter this hard you try someone will always give you a label. There is no way to fight it. You can’t. Whether it’s slut, fatty, airhead etc, you will always be given a label.
Never be afraid to cry. If you’re a boy or a girl or non-binary don’t let anyone ever call you weak just because you’ve cried. I don’t get how showing emotion makes you weak and you shouldn’t feel that way either. Crying doesn’t make you weak. It makes you a person with the brain capacity to cry instead of taking it out on people or things.
It makes you human.
We are all people, all humans. I mean at the end of the day there is only one human race. Last time I checked we were the only dominant species on the earth.
And as much as I hate the phrase, you only live once. Why waste it on another human who tells who you are?
Never let anyone on this planet tell you who you can or can’t be.
If you like a person tell them.
If you love a person tell them.
You may be scared of how they react but isn’t that thrilling?
Again, you only live once. Things happening now won’t make that much of an impact ten years from now.
And if it is one person or even a group of ten people that hate you then fuck them. You’re a fantastic person.
Guess what?
There are over seven billion people in the world. There’s no point getting butthurt over one.
Two years ago I was sat in my room just waiting for life to get good. And now I’m surrounded by people each and every day who I know love me. I am happy when I wake up and realise that there is another day to live through. It pleases me that there are different experiences out there just waiting for me.
There will always be labels, you can’t get rid of them. We don’t live in a perfect world labels will forever be a part of society.
Surround yourself with good people. Three years ago, a girl in my year who I barely spoke to messaged me asking me to read a book on Wattpad. That was when depression was truly ruling my life and now she truly is one of the best people in my life and is one of those people that you simply know will be with you and part of your life forever; more than just a best friend.
Life is filled with so many opportunities and experiences.
There’s a world of adventure out there, you have so much to discover.
Life is a blessing.
Use it that way.
with love, from me.
