“Dear Mom,
Remember that time when we went to the Pier? It was March 3, 2009. It was a Monday. I was in the fourth grade. You picked me up from school early, and asked if I wanted to go someplace fun. I said of course. That was the best day of my life….”
Paper folded. Eyes closed. Kiss the letter. Goodbye.
“….We stayed at the Pier till it closed. That day will never be forgotten…”
Friends house. Open door. Goodbye.
“…Mom, I am writing this letter not to tell you about when I was happy. I’m writing this letter not to tell you about that time when it was my tenth birthday and you took me to Toys R Us. I’m writing not to tell you about when you used to kiss me goodnight or when you cared about me…”
Friends house. Long talk. Hug and cry. Goodbye.
“…I’m not going to tell you I’m unhappy because I told you that already. I’m not writing this letter to tell you about the people who taunt me at school everyday. I’m not writing this letter to tell you about your husband. Your. Damn. Husband. I’m not writing this letter to tell you everything you already know…”
Library. Last book. Last page. Goodbye.
I walk to the train tracks. The train comes in ten minutes. Good. Ten minutes to contemplate. Ten minutes to worry. Just ten minutes.
“…I’m just tired of everything. I can’t live here anymore. I need to go away…”
In two minutes the train will come. I walk away, I can’t do this. Two minutes. I run towards home. Two minutes. I stop running and turn around. Two minutes. Sweaty hands. Two minutes. Heart pounding. Two minutes.
“…So I’m leaving. For good. I’m never coming back. I’ll be in a better place.”
As I stand the train tracks, I hum the lyrics of Dog Days by Florence and the Machine
“Happiness, hit her like a train on a track.
Coming towards her, stuck still no turning back…”
I stand on the tracks and wait for the train.
I can feel the wind from the train. I smile. The song continues in my head.
“Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back…”
“Goodbye Mom,” I say aloud. I keep singing to myself.
“Leave all your love and your loving behind you
Can’t carry it with you if you want to survive
The dog days are over
The dog days are done.”
