This poem was inspired by my own personal struggles with religion and finding my own path, and growing through it all.
I.
I only know God in the context of teacher.
Answer question after question and doesn’t get mad when I ask the same one about the same thing over and over again.
Take my hand, walk me through the problem step by step, because I don’t always get it right away, apologize 84 times because I’m afraid I’m a burden.
II.
I only know God in the context of absent.
Or maybe that’s the box I put them into.
Rendering them as man though they are not.
Stripping them of all glory due them.
III.
I only know God in the context of absent.
Hospital room.
Car accident.
Drunk driver.
We had a fight.
IV.
I only know God in the context of broken.
Family.
Hearts.
Empty.
V.
I only know God in the context of broken.
But maybe that’s just the box I put them into.
Rendering them as man though they are not.
Stripped of all praise due them.
VI.
I only know God in the context of provider.
I don’t know how or why you keep blessing me.
I don’t deserve anything that you give yet you give freely.
I’m scared one day you’ll see the sinner in me.
But maybe that’s just the box I put you in.
Rendering you as man though you are not.
VII.
I only know God in the context of unopened texts.
In the context of wasted time, you keep wasting my time.
I’m tired.
VIII.
I only know God in the context of 24 hour diners, and late night cups of coffee.
Parked car pinky promises through bubblegum pink lips.
IX.
And ain’t that sweet.
To know God in the context of all that is good, despite all the bad?
Despite all the heartbreak?
Despite all the boxes I’ve put them into?
