January 16, 20182 min read

This poem was written in response to my discovery of feelings for a girl I knew. Writing this poem was a way to deal with those hurt feelings once she moved away a few days later.


it’s 6:04 pm right now

and I keep staring at my stats textbook

but I can’t think of histograms and data analysis because

my mind keeps thinking of her.

not even her, really, because it’s been about

four months and it’s hard to remember what I

barely knew about her in the first place.

it’s what she was to me that keeps slipping in and out

of my head.

it’s her being kind and comedic

and supportive when I barely

supported myself.

it’s her being my first kiss,

even though it was in a juvenile game of

truth or dare.

it’s her being exactly who I

didn’t expect her to be.

I didn’t love her, and I don’t know if I ever would have, but

she is the person I stare at the wall thinking about,

wondering “what if?”

what if I had put myself out there sooner?

what if I had recognized my feelings before the last day I saw her?

what if I hadn’t ignored the fact that the person of my dreams stood right in front of me?

now all I can do is remember how her lips felt against mine

and imagine what would have happened if I had seen it


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