I wrote this poem about a relationship in which one is attached to his/her partner, hoping that the other will change into this imagined or nostalgic perspective. A relationship like this is never easy to grieve, nor is it ever easy to escape, especially when one doesn’t wish to leave; even though that’s what’s needed for the sake of the heart and mental health.
I reach into the abyss
and expect love.
I reach into fire
and expect the shuddering chills
you made me feel for all those years.
I turn to the devil
and expect an angel.
I am in no way stupid,
nor am I weak,
for I have the strength of a warrior
to muster such forgiveness,
to master your obstacles
and still have hope
when you decline my survival.
It’s that
you are both
my kryptonite
and my villain.
A weakness to protect
and a monster to destroy.
And yet
I maintain my will to love.
But we know,
we all know,
that those who have the highest capacity to love
have no one to love
or no one deserving of this love.
It’s a hopeless grasp on an unfinished dream.
It’s a hope that this dream will finish
so that the abyss can come
and silence will follow.
